These Words given by My Dad Which Saved Me when I became a New Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a good place. You require support. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to open up among men, who still absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - spending a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."