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Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more.

Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males have open relationships, but from my observations, they appear like hard work, often resulting in significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.