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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without a word seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the words this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's response is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who choose against having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions validate your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately extinguish any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {